Pinch Me If I'm Dead
by elixo
Summary: Sakura wakes up on top of a pile of dead bodies. This was all Tsunade's idea. ― multisaku
1. prologue

disclaimer: i cannot own naruto because im not awesome

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_**prologue**_

She was never really a fan of killing.

This may sound ridiculous to hear from someone who most likely killed so many people in her time but well not all you do is what you like. And unfortunately, Haruno Sakura is making a living with something she was not fond of.

The first time she was tasked to kill someone, she never let it cross her mind that it would be that difficult. Yeah, probably Sasori of the red sand is most likely worthy to be killed but it didn't really got her that it would be quite a challenge because of he's way of fighting and his pretty face (excuse the author).

Throughout her life, she felt many emotions whenever she takes away a life. It was either sadness or relief (but sometimes neither). She was not aware of the other emotions but surely she'll find out for sure.

However killing may also be her stress reliever. We all know that Haruno Sakura like to punch the ground, buildings, the bad guys, the stupid guys oh, almost forgot, Uzumaki Naruto. But that never really let out her anger on the world she is living. She doesn't really know why she got the stress. Maybe too much training, from work at the hospital of maybe Naruto but well, all of us is stressed with him, even the author.

The only time she forgets all her problems whenever she kills. She doesn't really know why. She thinks that it might be how she punches her opponents head on, or the way she stabs her kunai and how the blood splatters because of it, or maybe how the victim struggles free from her choking or maybe when the enemy breathes his last breath. She doesn't really know maybe we should ask someone else. This is all rather confusing.

But yeah, she was never _really_ a fan of killing.


	2. pardon

disclaimer: i don't own naruto and also sakura

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**"Pardon?"**

She wasn't in a good mood today, or rather her physical and mental state is drained from all the exhausting work she's been through these couple of days. I mean come on, the last time she slept was around two days ago, it was hard taking over the hospital and her training with Tsunade was adding it up. But right now she most certainly know that she really needs 8 hours of sleep because she's standing in front of her master inside the Hokage's room discussing about something she couldn't apprehend.

She knew that Tsunade was an irrational woman. In fact she was so crazy that there was a time when they were discussing about boys and stuff with Shizune and the other girls, she practically took out a bunch of pictures of very much handsome men from the bingo book. Like really, they might be handsome and all but they do have a reason why they were listed there you know.

But when she's standing in front of her, discussing about a mission that seems to be the craziest mission anyone will ever receive, she's most likely rethinking her thoughts about the old hag. No, she's not irrational. She isn't crazy either, you can say that Tsunade, the fifth Hokage, one of the legendary Sannins is utterly stupid.

_(Here's how it goes.)*_

"Haruno-san, Master Tsunade requested for your presence in the Hokage room, _now_." That was odd, Sakura knew that she just came back from her training with Tsunade three hours ago. She should've have already informed her anything with her since then.

"I'll be going there right now, Tane-san." She stood up from her chair, slightly stumbling. She really should've slept. She didn't bother taking off her medical coat and head towards the door, not wanting to anger the Hokage because of her tardiness.

"So you've finally came out from the cage huh." A voice came as she walk out the hospital. The voice sounded somewhat mocking but also concern. As she took a glance on who it was, she was met with a pair of cerulean eyes and blonde hair.

"Sorry for worrying you Ino. But I assure you that I'm alright." She was convinced that the latter knows she was lying but she took the shot anyways.

Ino sighed as she look at her friend with uneasiness "You were never really good at lying, forehead."

She waved off the nickname, seeing it as a friendly gesture from the blonde. They were kind off best friends, but the rivalry was still there "I'm sorry for my lack of having bad habits, pig."

They parted ways after the blonde asked why she came out so suddenly making the pink hair remember the reason why. You really shouldn't make the old hag waiting.

As she stood in front of the Hokage room (the hospital and the Hokage building are neighbors FYI), she suddenly heard a familiar voice suddenly going crazy.

"No, I don't want Sakura-chan to be their nurse! I know she's the best but I also know that she already has a lot of work in her hands. She haven't slept for days, godammit."

_Naruto! This voice is Naruto's _She thought as she remembered who's voice it was. _But wait, Naruto was supposed to be on a one month mission with Sai and Kakashi? What is going on?!_

"I might agree with Naruto."

_Wait this voice…Sasuke? _Her heart almost stopped. She really should've slept.

"I know we were the one who asked for your help but please reconsider your choice. If we ask Haruno-san her assistance she might be strained because of the work."

_Another work? This voice is Neji's right?_

She really couldn't stand it anymore, all the questions running inside of her head was giving her a migraine. Answers would be a good medicine for this.

She came inside the room forgetting to knock. It wasn't needed though, no wait scratch that, it was utterly needed because right now she's standing with what, wait the author is still counting, oh yes, 16 shinobis and a Hokage looking at her uneasily.

Woah wait, slow down. The number didn't bother her but she couldn't believe her eyes that Senju Hashirama and Tobirama, Namikaze Minato, Uchiha Madara, Itachi and Sasuke. And the rest of the Akatsuki (Pein, Sasori (wait, i killed him right?), Deidara, Obito and Kisame) was standing right in front of her. (Add up Naruto, Sai, Kakashi, Gaara, and Neji)

_Well damn_

"Oh Sakura, you're here." Tsunade broke the awkward silence. This was not good.

"I was told that you asked for my presence, shishou." Sakura tried her best to make the atmosphere more bearable.

"Take a sit first before we discu–" Sakura cut her off "It's fine." Tsunade only sighed then looked that the guests with an uneasy look then looked back at Sakura and sighed again.

"Sakura, I think I have informed you about the mission Team 7 took a week ago, am I right?" The latter nodded and somewhat felt annoyed because yes, maybe that was about ¾ of Team 7 but she wasn't there for goodness sake. She really wanted to accompany them but her work at the hospital was more needed.

"Well that mission was actually to accompanied by Hyuuga Neji and the Kazekage, Gaara."

She nodded again getting really annoyed because wow, so Neji went with them even if he's from another team and Gaara who's a Kazekage who doesn't need to take on missions also came. Wow, how big of a mission is this that she, Haruno Sakura couldn't come. She knows she's very well-suited for S class missions but why? She didn't want to assume things but the thought of being seen as weak slowly crept to her thoughts.

"The mission that we, the leaders from different villages gave, was to accompany the Akatsuki to Konoha. In a quiet and formal way. You may ask why the Akatsuki, our known enemy to be escorted to Konoha, that is because we have formed an alliance with Akatsuki. The leader of Akatsuki had second thoughts from the last time Jiraiya talked to him. He informed us that the Akatsuki will form an alliance with Konoha, in return we must give them proper care and homage." She stopped as she wanted to know if the latter was taking it easily. Surprisingly, Sakura did and so she continued.

"You may also wonder why the first, second and fourth Hokages and Uchiha Madara are here even though you were sure that they're dead well that's a very funny story actually." Tsunade nervously laughed alongside Naruto. Sakura only raised her eyebrows demanding an answer.

"Naruto used the reanimation jutsu to ask help from the four but unluckily he's jutsu didn't work as planned because they were revived. I don't know how it happened and so does Naruto. We're working on that problem right now with the other leaders." Sakura only nodded again. This was a lot to take in.

"Well back to topic. Fortunately the mission was completed but we have a bit of a problem. You see, on their way here, they were attacked by an unknown group. The side effects of the attack were quite something. It affected their health, physical and mental, and also their personalities. We think that those who attacked them messed up with their chakra but we're still looking into it."

"Wait, personalities?"

"Yes, I showed you how to treat psychological illness, am I right? Unfortunately, the side effects let them have nightmares and some sort of fears."

Sakura only nodded. She thinks that it might not be too much of a hassle for other medical Shinobis so why her? But the next thing that Tsunade said almost made her faint because _what?_

"Pardon?"

"I'll repeat that. You, Haruno Sakura will give medical assistance, slightly financial support, homage, and psychological treatment with them. No buts, this is an order not a request. Did you get that?"

"Um, this is a joke right?" She stuttered as she nervously laughed while looking at everyone in the room. She was only given anxious looks as a response

_Oh kami, why her?_

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**Author's Note: **

**This is like my second fanfiction. Please criticize me. I've never wrote something so long. This was like a thousand words. Again do tell me the flaws of my story. I'm utterly disappointed with myself. I'****m not good at this tbh. I'****m really sorry :( **

*** - Flashback starts and ends. I didn't want to add 'start of flashback' or 'end of flashback' so I used a different approach to it. Do tell me if it's nice.**

**I'm not good with first person pov but I felt like I'm also not good with third person's pov. This is really hard but I really wanted to write this.**

**Also please tell me if you think that the explanation of Tsunade is bad and if the characterization is good. I might explain the whole story next chapter if I have time.**

**Don't worry I won't be paring Sakura with Hashirama, Tobirama and Minato because well I really don't know. Though I do ship MinaSaku but let's keep it a secret.**

**It's a bit cliche but yeah, there might be a twist later on I really don't know what I'm doing with this story**

**You guys might ask why is that the prologue is so different from the first chapter. well a prologue is a prologue, it will come in the story don't worry. **

**Please review :)**


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